Write Your Heart Out: "The Lasts" By Melissa

It’s quiet…

And not the sweet kind of quiet that comes after the babes are finally asleep.

No, this kind of quiet is empty and heavy and causes gasps for breath to choke back an endless stream of tears.

They are gone.

Those beautiful brown-eyed girls who came to us from brokenness and returned to it once again. Only maybe it will be different this time.

Maybe.

And so the past few days were filled with “lasts”: the last time you’ll see so-and-so, last game, last dance party, last dress-up, last bath, story, prayer, songs…last time you sneak into our bedroom because you just can’t stand to sleep in your big-girl bed, last bottle, last snuggles, last waking up to your coos…

It’s more painful than I could have ever imagined.

For four months we were their “mommy” and “daddy” and now what?

Now it’s quiet.

There’s no one requesting my attention. No more ballet or story time. No more play dates. No one needs me to feed or dress or bathe or comfort them. No more exhausting bedtime.

Instead, the only familiar sound I woke up to this morning was the coffee bean grinder.

The bottles still need washing, burp cloths are still lying in random places around the house, the last pajamas our “honey pot” wore are still on the sofa and--I’m not gonna lie--I’ve smelled it dozens of times since yesterday, the night light is still in our room so big girl can find her way in the middle of the night…

I’m broken. We are broken. This world is broken…but we have a HOPE that is our Anchor, a Hope that does not disappoint. My Strength, Comfort, Refuge, and Joy. Oh make our hearts believe…